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Intimacy of the Heart

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Yesterday I had an opportunity to paint for the first time in a while and it was such a powerful experience. Not the process of painting in itself but what was happening in my heart, mind and being felt powerful. As soon as I started playing with different colours, my mind went into the state that I would compare to trance or deep focus. I couldn’t consciously think about colours or what I wanted to paint, I could only feel my heart bursting and feeling deep, deep connection with Jesus. It was closeness and more than closeness; merging with the presence and feeling Oneness with Him, deep devotion, love and commitment. I desperately tried to express this on the paper but of course it didn’t work. After being distracted by the sense of disappointment in the final result, I realised that I just wanted to remember this Love and connection with Him and carry it with me. The next morning as soon as I got up, I started journaling the insights and reminders, which is how Jesus often gives me m...
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Leave the Dream

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I am walking with the group of people. All I am aware of from the surroundings is the green grass. Even though I know that there are others with me, I see only one girl with blonde hair and a turquoise top.   It seems like we are going to a specific place that we are familiar with and as we are approaching it, I can see the tree standing on my left side, as I expected, but when I look to the right, I am surprised. I knew that a caravan had to be there, but there is nothing but green grass. All of a sudden I realise that I am in a dream. I approach the girl with blonde hair that sat in front of me and I try to explain that we are in a dream. She is looking at me but has no reaction at all to my words. I can’t get through to her. Then it just comes to me, “If I know that this is a dream, why am I trying to explain it to her? I can leave the dream myself.” With this thought the decision seems to be made in my mind. My awareness starts moving through what seems to be a dark portal and ...
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Surrendering the Body

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Since I was a child, I had a strong reaction to seeing my own blood, or hurting my body, or seeing certain scenes in movies. Something was triggered in my mind by those scenes but I wasn’t aware of what exactly; maybe the fear of death, the belief that I am this fragile body, guilt… After I started practicing A Course In Miracles, I tried to be as conscious in those moments as possible. I was curious about what was happening in my mind so rapidly that my awareness couldn’t keep up with it.   Then I started travelling and it activated my mind differently, so I completely forgot about this fear. One weekend Ken and I were going to do the gathering and we felt to show the movie to the group. Two days before, one movie came to my mind strongly so I thought that it was given for that gathering. Then the day before, Ken felt another movie called “Breathe”. I felt a bit confused because I was really feeling the first one. I sat and prayed to open my mind to what was really guided and give...
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The Mission of Light

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As I was on a plane to Brazil, I felt so much light about coming in this direction. Just by taking this step I have forgiven everything that was  unresolved with my family , everything of the past. I knew that Jesus was always with me and I knew that my life is completely His. Even these steps... I always knew intuitively that I would take them... These form steps... The script is written and somewhere in my mind I was aware of the script. Now it feels like I am observing the dream character and how the dream unfolds and on some level I do feel that this is the dream. The attraction and the pull towards the light is so strong and irresistable. I have invented the world I see, the world that seems outer and I have invented the inner world- world of feelings, thoughts, interpretations. It's like arranging newly bought house; I chose every thought and feeling and interpretation I feel and see whenever I go within, and the outer world is just the images built on that inner world. As I ...
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What kind of evaluation do you accept for yourself?

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I watched the movie 'Peace, Love and Misunderstanding' yesterday and I am surprised that I have not watched it before. There are different interesting dynamics in there, but what came up several times after I watched it was the interaction between two Characters Zoe and Cole. Basically, Zoe meets this guy Cole and they feel attracted to each other, but Zoe has a lot of self-concepts about what kind of guy she wants to date, she is vegetarian, she is all about protecting animals and so on. And Cole is the complete opposite of her beliefs and self-concepts (Jesus knows who we need to meet for healing). He smokes (Zoe has judgements about that as well), he is a butcher which is the main reason (seemingly) why Zoe holds back. It's interesting how we use these kinds of beliefs as an excuse to cover up our fear of love. The line that touched me was this: "Zoe: -Do you, uh, think I'm violent with you? Closed off? Defensive? Cole: -Sometimes. Zoe: -But you're here. ...
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What do you want this moment to be devoted to?

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I always wanted to give myself to something higher, to something that would make a difference. At the beginning I wanted to make a difference in the world. Now, after I found A Course in Miracles, I realize more and more that this is the path that is for me. It's so obvious that I am not the one who is in control of how my life unfolds, and it's actually perfect because no matter how much I try to think of the best outcomes for me, the way everything unfolds is always better. I can just accept that I don't need to figure out anything. The most beautiful thing is to see how this desire to be devoted is revealed in me, the desire that I didn't even know I had or I was afraid to admit that I had. It's like, the force that is guiding me knows me better than I know myself and arranges everything so that the prayer of my heart is answered, the prayer that I wasn't even aware of myself. So, I am just observing my own life and I am just getting to know myself and what ...
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...Be Jesus...

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  One day I found (or it found me) the quote from the book The disappearance of the Universe, where Pursah was saying that Jesus was asking for Holy Spirit’s interpretation of everything until he finally couldn’t see the error anymore and started seeing everything from Holy Spirit’s perspective. Suddenly I realized what this journey and guidance is all about- it’s about asking for the reinterpretation of everything, and Jesus was doing the same. It felt like I haven’t noticed this in the Course before, but as this quote clicked in my mind, I started finding the quotes even in the Course where Jesus always tells us to ask for the reinterpretation. It’s everywhere in the Course, almost in every section. And then it seemed logical even from the physical point of view- if you overlook something several times, soon you stop noticing it- as if this overlooking is the signal to your mind that that thing isn’t important enough. So, this helped me to get the idea of how this works. And foll...
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